Tag Archives: parody

Land of Soap and Glory – Coronavirus

Posted on March 13, 2020 | 1 comment

“We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in self-isolation, we shall fight with face masks and soap, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing viruses in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost to the NHS may be. We shall fight on the London underground, we shall fight over the remote control, we shall fight in the supermarkets and in the streets, we shall fight in the takeaways; we shall never surrender to Coronavirus” – says a country that fell apart with mass hysteria when KFC ran out of chicken. Continue reading →

1 Comment

Posted in General

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Megxit means Megxit

Posted on January 13, 2020 | 5 comments

Harry and Meghan

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s decision to ‘step down’ as ‘senior members’ of the British Royal Family, and split their time between the UK and Canada has come as a complete shock. No one has successfully managed to break up a powerful British group since Yoko Ono.  Continue reading →

5 Comments

Posted in Royalty

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One’s letter to Archie Harrison

Posted on May 8, 2019 | 7 comments

Dear Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor,

By the highest odds imaginable, you have avoided being conceived within an artificial sovereign family such as the Kardashians or the Beckhams, and have placed yourself in the covetable position of 7th in line* to the throne of the British Royal Family.

*And do trust one when I say, it’s a bloody slow moving line. Continue reading →

7 Comments

Posted in Letters

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One’s 70th Birthday

Posted on November 14, 2018 | 13 comments

“Happy Birthday to One, Happy Birthday to One, Happy 70th Birthday His Royal Highness, Happy Birthday to One!”

2560

70 years old today, or 18 with 52 years worth of experience. It really does feel strange to be well and truly past retirement age without actually starting work yet. One’s entire life has been “your application is being processed”. Bloody hell, time flies when you’re royal. Continue reading →

13 Comments

Posted in Royalty

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

One’s letter to Prince Louis

Posted on April 27, 2018 | 5 comments

Dear Prince Louis Arthur Charles of Cambridge,

Kate (your mummy) was expecting a very long labour process. Judging by one’s own experience, it normally takes 68+ years before the crowning begins, but you were delivered in no time at all. With your birth, Prince William (your daddy) has become a father for the third time. He needs all the heir he can get.

Continue reading →

5 Comments

Posted in Letters

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

One’s letter to President Donald Trump

Posted on January 20, 2017 | 13 comments

Dear President Trump,

Congratulations on becoming the 45th President of the United States of America. 9/11 is a date the world will never forget, and now 11/9 has its own special place in history. On that day America trumped, and the rest of the world followed through. Continue reading →

13 Comments

Posted in Letters

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Darling Buddies of May

Posted on July 15, 2016 | 3 comments
CnQly2LWIAAA6Y8

“Your brother named his band after me”.

David Cameron phoned yesterday to say he “leaves Britain a much stronger country”. It’s his sense of humour one’s going to miss the most. He left 10 Downing Street for the last time at 16:48pm to receive his P45 from the Queen, only to return at 16:53pm after leaving one of his children behind.
Continue reading →

3 Comments

Posted in Politics

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Queen Elizabeth II’s 90th Birthday

Posted on April 21, 2016 | 2 comments

Mummy is 90 years old today, showing no visible signs of ever slowing down.

She is the longest serving monarch in British history, having reigned on the throne for 64 years and 4 months (23,451 days, and 16 hours; roughly the length of an average game of Monopoly). The longest time one has spent on the Royal throne is approximately 45 mins, after eating a dodgy burger at the Middletons family gathering in 2011.

_44580601_charles_balm_royalcoll466 Continue reading →

2 Comments

Posted in Royalty

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

The PM Factor and Results

Posted on May 6, 2015 | 1 comment

“Government – a collective group of people that exist for the purposes of increasing debt, widening the gap between the rich and poor, and funding world domination projects such as Europe. Newly elected Governments tend not to solve problems, only to rearrange them”

Continue reading →

1 Comment

Posted in Politics

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One’s letter to Princess Charlotte

Posted on May 5, 2015 | 7 comments

Dear Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana of Cambridge,

Congratulations, you have just been born a Royal subject, On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix, and have therefore won life’s lottery. Continue reading →

7 Comments

Posted in Letters

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,