Tag Archives: Harry

One’s Crowning Glory – King Charles III Coronation

Posted on May 6, 2023 | Leave a comment

74 years in the making, but one thing we couldn’t prepare for was the rain pissing on one’s parade. Sent a text to the Pope this morning to see if anything could be done, but still waiting for an answer. It’s hard to defend the faith with this weather.

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The Fresh Prince

Posted on January 10, 2023 | 2 comments

Now, this is a story all about me

The Fresh Ginger Prince of British Royalty

And I’d like to take a moment of your time

Just sit right there

I’ll tell you how I became the Fresh Prince of Spare Heir

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Spare Heir

Posted on January 7, 2023 | 1 comment

More than anyone else on Earth, I, Prince Harry, know what it’s like waiting for the day that’s never going to happen.

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King Charles III of Twitter’s Christmas Message 2022

Posted on December 25, 2022 | 2 comments

Christmas is a time when we are reminded that no matter what difficulties we face in our daily lives, there’s almost always people worse off than us. And they’re usually French. It is a time for firsts, as this will be our first Christmas without one’s dear mummy and papa. Queen Elizabeth II reigned over us for 70 glorious years, having met 15 different UK Prime Ministers. It’s entirely possible one could beat that record by Christmas 2023!

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One’s letter to HM Queen Elizabeth II (mummy)

Posted on September 9, 2022 | 6 comments

How did you make it look so easy for over 70 years? One’s been King for 5 mins, and doesn’t know if one’s on his head or his arse. And don’t mention those bloody ink pens…

It’s poetically fitting your last act and duty was to tell Boris Johnson to piss off, and to ensure he was no longer in power. We all admire you for that alone.

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Prince Philip (1921-2021)

Posted on April 17, 2021 | 4 comments

For over 65 years, one’s papa Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, had been the unwavering presence alongside Britain’s longest-serving monarch, who even referred to himself as the “world’s most experienced plaque unveiler.”

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Megxit means Megxit

Posted on January 13, 2020 | 8 comments

Harry and Meghan

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s decision to ‘step down’ as ‘senior members’ of the British Royal Family, and split their time between the UK and Canada has come as a complete shock. No one has successfully managed to break up a powerful British group since Yoko Ono.  Continue reading →

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One’s letter to Archie Harrison

Posted on May 8, 2019 | 7 comments

Dear Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor,

By the highest odds imaginable, you have avoided being conceived within an artificial sovereign family such as the Kardashians or the Beckhams, and have placed yourself in the covetable position of 7th in line* to the throne of the British Royal Family.

*And do trust one when I say, it’s a bloody slow moving line. Continue reading →

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One’s 70th Birthday

Posted on November 14, 2018 | 13 comments

“Happy Birthday to One, Happy Birthday to One, Happy 70th Birthday His Royal Highness, Happy Birthday to One!”

2560

70 years old today, or 18 with 52 years worth of experience. It really does feel strange to be well and truly past retirement age without actually starting work yet. One’s entire life has been “your application is being processed”. Bloody hell, time flies when you’re royal. Continue reading →

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One’s letter to Meghan Markle

Posted on November 28, 2017 | 6 comments

Dear Meghan Markle,

Congratulations on winning the eBay listing of Prince Harry, via the ‘Buy It Now’ option. Firstly, one would like to commend you for agreeing to marry into a genuine Royal Family, and not an artificial one like the Kardashians. Continue reading →

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