Category Archives: Blog

One’s Crowning Glory – King Charles III Coronation

Posted on May 6, 2023 | Leave a comment

74 years in the making, but one thing we couldn’t prepare for was the rain pissing on one’s parade. Sent a text to the Pope this morning to see if anything could be done, but still waiting for an answer. It’s hard to defend the faith with this weather.

Continue reading →

Leave a comment

Posted in Royalty

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

King Charles III of Twitter’s Christmas Message 2022

Posted on December 25, 2022 | 2 comments

Christmas is a time when we are reminded that no matter what difficulties we face in our daily lives, there’s almost always people worse off than us. And they’re usually French. It is a time for firsts, as this will be our first Christmas without one’s dear mummy and papa. Queen Elizabeth II reigned over us for 70 glorious years, having met 15 different UK Prime Ministers. It’s entirely possible one could beat that record by Christmas 2023!

Continue reading →

2 Comments

Posted in Royalty

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One’s letter to HM Queen Elizabeth II (mummy)

Posted on September 9, 2022 | 6 comments

How did you make it look so easy for over 70 years? One’s been King for 5 mins, and doesn’t know if one’s on his head or his arse. And don’t mention those bloody ink pens…

It’s poetically fitting your last act and duty was to tell Boris Johnson to piss off, and to ensure he was no longer in power. We all admire you for that alone.

Continue reading →

6 Comments

Posted in Royalty

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Fifty Shades of Sue Gray – ‘Partygate’ report

Posted on January 29, 2022 | 1 comment

Here is an exclusive look at Sue Gray’s 1,865 paged report into the alleged parties at Downing Street. It would have been far easier for her to investigate the days there weren’t any parties.

The only party one will be having with Boris Johnson in attendance is his leaving party (tbc).

1 Comment

Posted in Politics

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Prince Philip (1921-2021)

Posted on April 17, 2021 | 4 comments

For over 65 years, one’s papa Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, had been the unwavering presence alongside Britain’s longest-serving monarch, who even referred to himself as the “world’s most experienced plaque unveiler.”

Continue reading →

4 Comments

Posted in Royalty

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Donald Trump. End of an error.

Posted on January 21, 2021 | 2 comments

Here is an exclusive look at Donald Trump’s personal letter to President Biden, which would have been a simple Direct Message, had he not been blocked by every social media platform known to man.

2 Comments

Posted in International

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

One’s Coronavirus Speech 2020

Posted on April 5, 2020 | 3 comments

30 days hath September, also June and November. All the rest have 31, except for March*, which has 175 days, and April, which will probably have even more, and one doesn’t even want to think about May. Continue reading →

3 Comments

Posted in Royalty

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Land of Soap and Glory

Posted on March 13, 2020 | 2 comments

Since the first signs of the deadly coronavirus from Wuhan, China in 2019, it’s all gone bat soup crazy! One can confirm that millions of ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ products sold in the last 20 years have done sweet FA.
Continue reading →

2 Comments

Posted in General

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Megxit means Megxit

Posted on January 13, 2020 | 8 comments

Harry and Meghan

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s decision to ‘step down’ as ‘senior members’ of the British Royal Family, and split their time between the UK and Canada has come as a complete shock. No one has successfully managed to break up a powerful British group since Yoko Ono.  Continue reading →

8 Comments

Posted in Royalty

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One’s letter to Archie Harrison

Posted on May 8, 2019 | 7 comments

Dear Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor,

By the highest odds imaginable, you have avoided being conceived within an artificial sovereign family such as the Kardashians or the Beckhams, and have placed yourself in the covetable position of 7th in line* to the throne of the British Royal Family.

*And do trust one when I say, it’s a bloody slow moving line. Continue reading →

7 Comments

Posted in Letters

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,