One’s Coronavirus Speech 2020

30 days hath September, also June and November. All the rest have 31, except for March*, which has 175 days, and April, which will probably have even more, and one doesn’t even want to think about May.

First and foremost, one would like to send out a HUGE amount of gratitude and thanks to NHS staff and other key workers, who are putting others before themselves. You are the unsung heroes.

Your Future King tested positive for the coronavirus after showing mild symptoms right off the bat (no pun intended), which included sweating like a Royal in Pizza Express and coughing like a barking corgi. Thankfully, one seems to be in much better health, having remained in ‘good spirits’ throughout the isolation procedure – namely a large gin and tonic. That wasn’t the corona-tion one was expecting, but if anything, it conclusively proves that COVID-19 is now heir-born.

When Boris Johnson grounded the UK until further notice, many of you were instructed to self-isolate until all of this is over – although most have been doing that since he became the Prime Minister anyway. Since testing positive with coronavirus, one can confirm he will continue to run the Government from the inside of his fridge.

During this time of great uncertainty, around 30 million households across the UK will soon receive a letter in the post from the Mr Johnson to strengthen his instructions. One would advise not to touch or open this letter for at least 4 days, as he personally licked all of the envelopes.

It’s vitally important you all show some self-discipline during these increasingly challenging times by socially distancing yourself from the outside world, and protecting the vulnerable amongst us. If only we had enforced the same rule to Prince Andrew.

Our ancestors were called to war to save lives, whilst we are being asked to sit on the sofa and watch TV, albeit repeats of things we’ve seen millions of times before. One would like to give you a message, which is a very simple one to understand, even for the COVIDIOTS amongst us – Stay at home, save lives. Protect the NHS.

“We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in self-isolation, we shall fight with face masks and soap, we shall fight with growing confidence and unseen viruses on surfaces, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost to the NHS may be. We shall fight on the London underground when it should be closed, we shall fight over the remote control at home, we shall fight with Joe Wicks sweating on the TV, we shall fight in the never ending queues outside the supermarkets and in the streets, we shall fight in the takeaways; we shall never surrender to Coronavirus.”

I hope in the years to come everyone of you who didn’t go to the park or seaside to sunbath in the sunshine, and played an important role during this worldwide pandemic, will be able to take pride in how you responded to the challenge. And those who come after us will say that the Great Britons of this generation were as strong as any, surviving the Great Toilet Paper Famine of 2020.

May God bless you all, each and every one,

~Charles_HRH~ (Future King)

* Last Monday was the 90 day satisfaction guarantee deadline to claim your money back on 2020, so unfortunately you’ve now missed your chance.