Tag Archives: William

The Fresh Prince

Posted on January 10, 2023 | 1 comment

Now, this is a story all about me

The Fresh Ginger Prince of British Royalty

And I’d like to take a moment of your time

Just sit right there

I’ll tell you how I became the Fresh Prince of Spare Heir

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Spare Heir

Posted on January 7, 2023 | 1 comment

More than anyone else on Earth, I, Prince Harry, know what it’s like waiting for the day that’s never going to happen.

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The Prince of Hearts – eBay Listing

Posted on January 6, 2023 | Leave a comment

The dream of becoming a Princess is alive and well for many husband-hunters as I’ve been named the world’s most eligible bachelor.

Place your bids now. (Not accepting Euros)

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King Charles III of Twitter’s Christmas Message 2022

Posted on December 25, 2022 | 2 comments

Christmas is a time when we are reminded that no matter what difficulties we face in our daily lives, there’s almost always people worse off than us. And they’re usually French. It is a time for firsts, as this will be our first Christmas without one’s dear mummy and papa. Queen Elizabeth II reigned over us for 70 glorious years, having met 15 different UK Prime Ministers. It’s entirely possible one could beat that record by Christmas 2023!

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One’s letter to HM Queen Elizabeth II (mummy)

Posted on September 9, 2022 | 6 comments

How did you make it look so easy for over 70 years? One’s been King for 5 mins, and doesn’t know if one’s on his head or his arse. And don’t mention those bloody ink pens…

It’s poetically fitting your last act and duty was to tell Boris Johnson to piss off, and to ensure he was no longer in power. We all admire you for that alone.

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Prince Philip (1921-2021)

Posted on April 17, 2021 | 4 comments

For over 65 years, one’s papa Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, had been the unwavering presence alongside Britain’s longest-serving monarch, who even referred to himself as the “world’s most experienced plaque unveiler.”

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Megxit means Megxit

Posted on January 13, 2020 | 8 comments

Harry and Meghan

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s decision to ‘step down’ as ‘senior members’ of the British Royal Family, and split their time between the UK and Canada has come as a complete shock. No one has successfully managed to break up a powerful British group since Yoko Ono.  Continue reading →

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One’s 70th Birthday

Posted on November 14, 2018 | 13 comments

“Happy Birthday to One, Happy Birthday to One, Happy 70th Birthday His Royal Highness, Happy Birthday to One!”

2560

70 years old today, or 18 with 52 years worth of experience. It really does feel strange to be well and truly past retirement age without actually starting work yet. One’s entire life has been “your application is being processed”. Bloody hell, time flies when you’re royal. Continue reading →

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One’s letter to Princess Charlotte

Posted on May 5, 2015 | 7 comments

Dear Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana of Cambridge,

Congratulations, you have just been born a Royal subject, On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix, and have therefore won life’s lottery. Continue reading →

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One’s letter to Prince George

Posted on July 27, 2013 | 21 comments

Dear Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge,

Welcome to the British Royal Family. You kept the whole world waiting, but then that is one of the privileges. Many people would kill to become part of the monarchy, and they have done in the past. One will read you a bedtime story about Great-Uncle Henry Tudor and Great-Uncle Richard III when you’re old enough to understand. Continue reading →

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