Spare Heir

More than anyone else on Earth, I, Prince Harry, know what it’s like waiting for the day that’s never going to happen.

Back in 2010, the family had gathered at Buckingham Palace for the wedding of Kate and William, the eventual heirs to the throne. Over-dressed cousins, pervy uncles, divorced aunts, first-rate Royals, third-rate Royals and the Middletons were all there, with a Royal wave to the public and a RAF fly-past scheduled as usual.

The entire British Royal Family would be standing on one balcony, listening to Prince Philip earning his stripes with inappropriate jokes, and all looking up into the sky to see Queen Elizabeth II’s collection of realistic toys.

After our formal celebratory lunch – ‘The Meaty One’ from Pizza Express (Uncle Andrew’s choice), we made our way up to the balcony. The doors are opened, and one by one we shuffle out to the cheering public. Pawns to the side, first rank pieces to the middle.

That was the first time I didn’t have the stomach for it. What was the actual point? So, pretending to have an immediate case of “New Delhi belly” (Prince Philip’s joke from last year), I escaped to the toilet.

Whilst passing the time with a cheeky fag, and writing Uncle Edward’s mobile number on the wall in permanent ink for a laugh, I heard the rumble of planes from the fly-past. Red Arrows, Spitfires, bombers, helicopters, pigeons, Thunderbird 3.

It was then, for the first time since that night behind The Jolly Taxpayer pub, I allowed my imagination to run riot…

What if… Hitler stumbled into the toilet right now, asking for his uniform back.

What if…… one of the Spitfires fired his cannon at the crowd, mistaking the Union Jack for the French flag.

What if……… the pilot of one of the bombers suffered a heart attack, nose-diving straight into the balcony.

All the Royals dead.

All the heirs dead.

Rubble everywhere, with nothing remaining except the toilet cubicle I was occupying.

In one single moment, the Spare Heir is recognised!

King Harry the Ninth!……

Never. Going. To. Happen.

One response to “Spare Heir

  1. MUHAMMAD SULEMAN

    Respected
    King Charles

    My name is Mohammed suleman I am from Karachi Pakistan and want your help I am jobless.

    Someone told me about your organization that your organization helps people who are unemployed.
    Now I tell you my best in which I will tell you that I was unemployed.
    I want to start my business again in Pakistan, so I need some money, please listen to this whole story and help me.

    Sir in karachi i am a running an school van, means that I am.a van driver, I provide the pick & drop service
    And my source of income depends on my van,
    last year I have spend 60,000 thousand rupees on my van engine,
    But I am facing again that same problem in my van, but in those days all Pakistan is lockdown because of COVID-19
    But now I don’t have money for making my van. Because
    In the month of FEBRUARY 2019 MY younger sister was admitted agha Khan University hospital.
    Because my sister is suffering 😭 from brain tumor,
    Tumor was oppereted by Dr Rashid juma the neurosurgeon.
    I spend my all money to my younger sister,
    But my younger sister is still on bed,
    And in this month my mother was passed away because of covid-19.

    This time I need some financial support from you,
    I want to buy the new van for my livelihood my earnings also start an other business with my same business, and also for the treatment of my younger sister, my wife is pregnant and I don’t have money for maternity home. Kindly help me.
    You are the most charitable person in the world. And this amount is nothing for you.

    The money I have asked you there is nothing for you.

    I have heard that you help the poor and jobless persons.

    I need 50 million USD or Euro 💶 dollar 💸
    Donate me please, as soon as possible
    Here is my personal information

    MUHAMMAD SULEMAN
    Watsaap
    00923212202034
    00923312022034

    BANK ACCOUNT information

    BANK ISLAMI

    (MALIR CANTT KARACHI BRANCH)

    TITLE:-
    MUHAMMAD SULEMAN

    IBAN:-

    PK25BKIP0104600740040001

    &

    HABIB METROPOLITAN BANK LIMITED

    (MALIR CANTT KARACHI BRANCH PAKISTAN)

    TITLE:-
    MUHAMMAD SULEMAN &/OR SABA SULEMAN

    IBAN:-

    PK76 MPBL 0182 0171 4010 3446

    Sir please help me

    God bless you

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