Tag Archives: Charles_HRH

The Darling Buddies of May

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“Your brother named his band after me”.

David Cameron phoned yesterday to say he “leaves Britain a much stronger country”. It’s his sense of humour one’s going to miss the most. He left 10 Downing Street for the last time at 16:48pm to receive his P45 from the Queen, only to return at 16:53pm after leaving one of his children behind.
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Queen Elizabeth II’s 90th Birthday

Mummy is 90 years old today, showing no visible signs of ever slowing down.

She is the longest serving monarch in British history, having reigned on the throne for 64 years and 4 months (23,451 days, and 16 hours; roughly the length of an average game of Monopoly). The longest time one has spent on the Royal throne is approximately 45 mins, after eating a dodgy burger at the Middletons family gathering in 2011.

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The PM Factor and Results

“Government – a collective group of people that exist for the purposes of increasing debt, widening the gap between the rich and poor, and funding world domination projects such as Europe. Newly elected Governments tend not to solve problems, only to rearrange them”

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One’s letter to Princess Charlotte

Dear Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana of Cambridge,

Congratulations, you have just been born a Royal subject, On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix, and have therefore won life’s lottery. Continue reading

Royal Christmas Tips

Christmas is a time for expensive traditions. Greeting cards for people you see every week, presents you don’t need/want, food that upsets your stomach, and decorations that are a fire hazard.

As the day rapidly approaches, many of you will be dreading spending time stuck in a house with your nearest and dearest, munching on the dried out bird that gets a good stuffing once a year. The key to getting through Christmas successfully is drinking the right amount of alcohol, without becoming violent, but enough to block out reality. Continue reading

One’s letter to Putin

Dear President Putin,

Yesterday, it was reported that one compared you to the most evil man in world history, Adolf Hitler, who would annex countries surrounding Germany for himself. You may refer to this as window shopping. Continue reading

One’s letter to Prince George

Dear Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge,

Welcome to the British Royal Family. You kept the whole world waiting, but then that is one of the privileges. Many people would kill to become part of the monarchy, and they have done in the past. One will read you a bedtime story about Great-Uncle Henry Tudor and Great-Uncle Richard III when you’re old enough to understand. Continue reading

On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix

9 months. 9 sodding months William and Kate have had to wait for their first child. Disgraceful. Quite frankly, this is the last time they’ll be using the NHS. Continue reading

Wimbledon

The yearly tennis competition that decides whether Andy Murray is British or Scottish. Although after the independence referendum, he could be permanently Scottish whether he wins or loses. Continue reading

Doctor Who and the Daleks

Royal visit to Wales. One initally thought one was visiting a little town called Llanthwgcyrigabreth before realising the tour guide had a hair in his mouth.  Continue reading