Tag Archives: Queen

The Fresh Prince

Posted on January 10, 2023 | 1 comment

Now, this is a story all about me

The Fresh Ginger Prince of British Royalty

And I’d like to take a moment of your time

Just sit right there

I’ll tell you how I became the Fresh Prince of Spare Heir

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Spare Heir

Posted on January 7, 2023 | 1 comment

More than anyone else on Earth, I, Prince Harry, know what it’s like waiting for the day that’s never going to happen.

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The Prince of Hearts – eBay Listing

Posted on January 6, 2023 | Leave a comment

The dream of becoming a Princess is alive and well for many husband-hunters as I’ve been named the world’s most eligible bachelor.

Place your bids now. (Not accepting Euros)

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One’s letter to HM Queen Elizabeth II (mummy)

Posted on September 9, 2022 | 6 comments

How did you make it look so easy for over 70 years? One’s been King for 5 mins, and doesn’t know if one’s on his head or his arse. And don’t mention those bloody ink pens…

It’s poetically fitting your last act and duty was to tell Boris Johnson to piss off, and to ensure he was no longer in power. We all admire you for that alone.

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Prince Philip (1921-2021)

Posted on April 17, 2021 | 4 comments

For over 65 years, one’s papa Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, had been the unwavering presence alongside Britain’s longest-serving monarch, who even referred to himself as the “world’s most experienced plaque unveiler.”

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One’s Coronavirus Speech 2020

Posted on April 5, 2020 | 3 comments

30 days hath September, also June and November. All the rest have 31, except for March*, which has 175 days, and April, which will probably have even more, and one doesn’t even want to think about May. Continue reading →

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Megxit means Megxit

Posted on January 13, 2020 | 8 comments

Harry and Meghan

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s decision to ‘step down’ as ‘senior members’ of the British Royal Family, and split their time between the UK and Canada has come as a complete shock. No one has successfully managed to break up a powerful British group since Yoko Ono.  Continue reading →

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One’s 70th Birthday

Posted on November 14, 2018 | 13 comments

“Happy Birthday to One, Happy Birthday to One, Happy 70th Birthday His Royal Highness, Happy Birthday to One!”

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70 years old today, or 18 with 52 years worth of experience. It really does feel strange to be well and truly past retirement age without actually starting work yet. One’s entire life has been “your application is being processed”. Bloody hell, time flies when you’re royal. Continue reading →

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Queen Elizabeth II’s 90th Birthday

Posted on April 21, 2016 | 2 comments

Mummy is 90 years old today, showing no visible signs of ever slowing down.

She is the longest serving monarch in British history, having reigned on the throne for 64 years and 4 months (23,451 days, and 16 hours; roughly the length of an average game of Monopoly). The longest time one has spent on the Royal throne is approximately 45 mins, after eating a dodgy burger at the Middletons family gathering in 2011.

_44580601_charles_balm_royalcoll466 Continue reading →

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One’s letter to Princess Charlotte

Posted on May 5, 2015 | 7 comments

Dear Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana of Cambridge,

Congratulations, you have just been born a Royal subject, On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix, and have therefore won life’s lottery. Continue reading →

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