Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s decision to ‘step down’ as ‘senior members’ of the British Royal Family, and split their time between the UK and Canada has come as a complete shock. No one has successfully managed to break up a powerful British group since Yoko Ono.
Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip were both very upset when they first became aware of the announcement, mainly because he has spent the past 2 years thinking she was actually the housemaid, and he would now have to cook his own breakfast every morning. It didn’t take long for Mummy to change Harry and Meghan’s relationship status to “it’s complicated”. Awkward.
“One hasn’t heard swear words of that nature come out of Her Majesty’s mouth since that time she stood on one of Prince George’s pieces of Lego”.
Prince William phoned to say he’d “put his arm around his brother all of their lives, and now couldn’t anymore”. Well, of course he can’t; if he’s in Kensington Palace, and Harry’s in sodding Canada.
Understandably, it must be frustrating for Harry to be sixth in line to the throne, and a spare heir to his older brother, but with Prince William’s hairline situation, he needs all the help he can get.
William, Harry and I attended an emergency summit at Sandringham House in the presence of The Queen, and a period of transition was agreed for them to become the Duke and Duchess of Merch. It also didn’t take too long to finalise security details during their time in North America; an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle each like everyone else over there.
In the past few months, Prince Andrew has stopped ordering the Hot American from Pizza Express, although that’s not a bad thing considering, Zara Tindall has been banned from driving, and now this. We managed to sweep the Las Vegas naked scandal under the carpet by blaming it on Ed Sheeran, but this is a completely different situation.
At this current rate of departures, we’ll have to hold open auditions for new Royals. But when all is said and done, one thing is for certain; in 5 years time, this is going to be a cracking episode on The Crown. And at least Meghan will now be able to play herself.