Dear Princess Charlotte Elizabeth Diana of Cambridge,
Congratulations, you have just been born a Royal subject, On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix, and have therefore won life’s lottery.
Royalty born c.2000 years ago were greeted by three wise men, but nowadays we have to make do with Cameron, Miliband and Clegg, carrying gifts of empty promises. As the youngest member of the family, you will receive obligatory hand-me-downs from Prince George (your big brother), like his collection of 12th Century suits of armour, and the county of Cambridge.
Kate (your mummy) was expecting a very long labour process. Judging by one’s own experience, it normally takes 66+ years before the crowning begins, but you were delivered in no time at all. With your birth, Prince William (your daddy) has become a father for the second time. He needs all the heir he can get.
One sincerely hopes you like your tribute filled name. Several potential names were placed in a hat and chosen at random.
Princess Peach Arya Mildred Pippi Longstocking
- Charlotte Elizabeth Diana
Disney Princess Jasmine
Prince Harry (your uncle) desperately wanted Princess Leia, as you were being officially named on 4th May (Star Wars Day). He had spent the morning running around Buckingham Palace with his lightsaber out, but it was deemed unsuitable. Pippa Middleton (your auntie) kept suggesting Princess Elsa from Frozen, but one told her to let it go.
By the highest odds imaginable, you have avoided being conceived within an artificial sovereign family such as the Kardashians or the Beckhams, and have leapfrogged to the covetable position of fourth in line* to the throne of the British Royal Family.
*And do trust one when I say, it’s a bloody slow moving line.
Grandpa ~Charles_HRH~ (Future King)