Dear Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge,
Welcome to the British Royal Family. You kept the whole world waiting, but then that is one of the privileges. Many people would kill to become part of the monarchy, and they have done in the past. One will read you a bedtime story about Great-Uncle Henry Tudor and Great-Uncle Richard III when you’re old enough to understand.
Royal blood is a high price commodity. It is so important that your ancestors used to marry within the family to keep the Royal bloodline pure. However, this rule has been rather relaxed in the past couple of generations, and one is certain that you’ll get to know the Middleton family rather well in the coming years. They’re a nice bunch really (in small doses).
By being born Royal you’ve automatically qualified for certain perks of the job which includes fabulous wealth, privileged lifestyle, a university placement and free unlimited downloads from iTunes. Soon you’ll also be given your very own silver spoon. There are many silver spoons like it, but this one is ours.
Meet your new Royal Family:
Prince William and Kate (Mummy and Daddy) – Lovely couple. Don’t be surprised to see that you’ve got more hair than your Daddy. He wants to grow old gracefully.
Prince Harry (Uncle) – Well loved by everyone. Sometimes forgets he’s a member of the Royal Family, which is why common people love him. Your arrival has bumped him down to 4th place in the Royal succession list, although one is certain we can avoid a ‘Lion King situation’.
Prince Charles and Camilla (Grandpa and Step Nanny) – Grandpa just can’t wait to be King. Camilla has been busily knitting you some clothes, as another naked Royal in the newspapers is the last thing one needs.
Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip (Great Nanny and Great Grandad) – An old married couple. Great Nanny wears a crown covered in jewels, which might look like an giant iced gem to you. She is obsessed with corgis, horses, gin and ridiculous hats. Great Grandad might come across as slightly racist and rude, but just smile and nod. Most people do anyway.
The Rules of Royalty:
- Everything the light touches, is our Kingdom. Except the shadowy place, that’s Essex.
- The British Empire ended in 1997, but don’t tell the rest of the world. It keeps them all in check.
- You should never be referred to as ‘Boy George’, simply because you are a Future King, and not a Queen.
- Never, under any circumstances, take fashion advice from Beatrice and Eugenie.
- Don’t listen to music by Justin Bieber or One Direction, purely because it’s an Act of Treason.
- Stay away from Las Vegas.
One day in the future, when Grandpa and Daddy are pushing up daisies, you will be crowned King of 16 sovereign states, Head of the 54-member Commonwealth of Nations, Supreme Governor of the Church of England and Defender of the Faith.
One wishes you good health and a happy life.
Grandpa ~Charles_HRH~ (Future King)
This letter and much more can be found in Charles_HRH’s guide to Great Britishness.
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