Royal Ascot

Royal Ascot week. One’s bookmaker phoned early to let one know that they’ve changed the race conditions this year. Instead of “soft, good to firm and firm”, they’re using “rare, medium rare and well done”.

Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice spent the entire morning learning tips, mainly on what to wear. One did consider sticking a ‘Number 7’ on Camilla’s back for a laugh, but decided against it. She might’ve become too excited by the prospect of being whipped by a stranger. Fifty Shades of Grey has a lot to answer for.

Every year the bookies make an absolute fortune on which rare species of bird has been used to decorate Mummy’s hat. Mr and Mrs Middleton were third in the coach procession, which was a result, because one had them as each way.

Placed the French economy on ‘Tesco Express’, after the bookies guaranteed “it would walk it”. They weren’t wrong, the sodding thing came last. Camilla took a massive gamble, and stopped at the burger van before placing her bets. She’s now on the Ascot diet, losing 50 pounds in the first 10 minutes.

Mother’s horse, Estimate, claimed victory in the Gold Cup – first time in the race’s 207-year history that it has been won by a reigning monarch. She was absolutely delighted, and provided the photographers with a rare Queenlike smile. Sadly the moment quickly vanished when Princess Eugenie ‘accidentally’ photobombed her. One can always expect a York to steal the spotlight.


All in all, one lost a small fortune, although Cyprus wasn’t worth that much to begin with anyway.


3 responses to “Royal Ascot

  1. Sorry, Sir, I was sidetracked by the message from Nigeria. Wonderful news regarding Her Majesties horse, she looked radiant with joy. By the way that Princess Eugenie looks a jolly sort! Is she waving at the Sun photographer? I’d take a riding crop to him, personally!

  2. How very odd! Have HRH Charles & HRH Camilla got a Nigerian child! Surprised The Sun hasn’t got onto this one!

  3. Hello dad I am sending you my greeting. From my community in Akaw Ibom state in my conurty Nigeria have. a wonderful weekend. My regards to mum God bless

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