Just over a month until the arrival of the Royal baby, which one can confirm has been growing faster than the economy.
Kate is beside herself with excitement. Says she “always knew her Prince would come”. One didn’t ask her to divulge. Thankfully she’s fully recovered from the extreme morning sickness. Prince Harry did offer to help as morning sickness is often treated with ginger, but that weren’t necessary.
Michael and Carole Middleton are overjoyed that their genes will be contributing to the future of the monarchy. How lovely. They’ve started thinking of potential names, although “Chardonnay” for a girl and “Rodney” for a boy hardly seem appropriate.
Bookmakers have been taking bets on what the baby will be called. One’s placed £500 on ‘Your Royal Highness’, which apparently is a clear favourite.
There has been a lot of speculation recently on the baby’s gender. One can confirm that it’ll most definitely be a boy or a girl. The world will find out soon enough because the poor baby won’t be out of the media from the moment it’s born. Besides, who sodding cares what it is, as long as it’s healthy?
One simply cannot wait to welcome the Prince or Princess into the family. Camilla has been busily knitting baby clothes like they’re going out of fashion. The last thing one needs is another naked Royal in the tabloids.