Mother has returned home after staying in hospital with a stomach bug. She’d been on the throne all weekend. Quite frankly that’s the last time she’ll eat a sodding lasagne.
Text from Mother: “Shitting through the eye of a needle”.
Sent a memo to all staff at King Edward VII’s Hospital reminding them not to answer the phone. Particularly from Australia. It’d most probably be someone pretending to be a member of the Royal Family, like those sodding parody accounts. Can’t stand those things.
Decided to cancel all official engagements for the rest of the week, including her visit to Rome and the Vatican. An outbreak of galloping gut rot is the last thing the Catholic Church needs. They’ve been through enough recently. If Mother needs to contact God, she’ll just have to use the porcelain telephone instead.
This most certainly is Annus Horribilis.