Royal Flush

Mother has returned home after staying in hospital with a stomach bug. She’d been on the throne all weekend. Quite frankly that’s the last time she’ll eat a sodding lasagne. 

Text from Mother: “Shitting through the eye of a needle”.

Sent a memo to all staff at King Edward VII’s Hospital reminding them not to answer the phone. Particularly from Australia. It’d most probably be someone pretending to be a member of the Royal Family, like those sodding parody accounts. Can’t stand those things.

Decided to cancel all official engagements for the rest of the week, including her visit to Rome and the Vatican. An outbreak of galloping gut rot is the last thing the Catholic Church needs. They’ve been through enough recently. If Mother needs to contact God, she’ll just have to use the porcelain telephone instead.

This most certainly is Annus Horribilis.


5 responses to “Royal Flush

  1. Heard her maj couldn’t get home quick enough when she heard Camilla has been round Buck House measuring up for caepets and curtains. You will have to wait a bit longer.

  2. the thought of HM squirting all week has left me in peels of laughter, sorry darling..

  3. I had rightful laugh, i like the good sense of humor altogether happy and grateful that HM is out of Hospital.

  4. Hilarious ! 🙂

Leave a Reply