On Her Majesty’s Secret Cervix

9 months. 9 sodding months William and Kate have had to wait for their first child. Disgraceful. Quite frankly, this is the last time they’ll be using the NHS.

One was seriously considering a gin induced labour before nature took its course. Phoned the Doctor at St Mary’s Hospital early this morning to inform him that Kate was finally showing signs of giving birth. He became rather excited,  as he’ll be the first person in the world to see what stamps will look like in 60 years.

Text from Mr Cameron: “The Duchess of Cambridge is in Labour? I thought she was Conservative”. Moron.

Natural birth was the preferred choice. Kate weren’t too posh to push after all. Decided to ignore the midwife who made a point of announcing “the baby’s crowning”. For your information, Royals are born with little crowns. It’s the first thing you’ll see. Which is why it’s called “crowning”.

Keep pushing…. Heir it comes!

It’s a Boy! / Prince!

One is officially a Grandpa! How lovely. Prince William burst into tears as he caught first glimpse of his very own newborn baby. Couldn’t decide if it was because his child will one day become King, or because the baby’s got more hair than him already. Poor sod.

One is pleased that William and Kate have a son, mainly because it means that Kate won’t be beheaded. Prince Harry is also happy about the arrival of the Royal Baby, simply because he won’t be the only one running around the Palace naked.

The little boy has instantly become the third in line to the British throne.

[tweet https://twitter.com/Charles_HRH/status/359404448436584448 width’300′]

~Charles_HRH~