Monthly Archives: March 2013

One’s letter to Kim Jong-un

Dearest Leader of North Korea,

This is a letter from someone who is deeply concerned about your recent actions.

One can understand the frustration that your career has taken a downward spiral since appearing in The Hangover films. It surely isn’t helping your already deflated self-esteem that the South Korean, PSY, has taken over the YouTube charts, and launched a totally-idiotic new dance phenomenon. Continue reading

No, Camilla, Abu Qatada is not “a song from The Lion King”

Absolutely sodding freezing. Might import some sunshine from Cyprus, who appear to be having a half price sale at the moment.

David Miliband phoned to say he’s leaving the Labour Party to spend less time with his family. He’s decided to join an organisation called International Rescue. From one bunch of puppets to another. He really must’ve pulled a few strings to land that job. Continue reading

Budget 2013

George Osborne decided to join Twitter this morning. Of all sodding days to choose. He tweeted a picture of himself busily writing his speech (economics homework) with the red budget box (his lunchbox) on the table. Poor boy hasn’t been abused this much since leaving school last year.  Continue reading

One’s letter to Pope Francis I

Dear Jim Bowen Jorge Mario Beergoggles Pope Francis I,

One would like to extend many congratulations on your election as the new head of the Catholic Church. Of course, this isn’t the first time an Argentinian has won through the hand of God. Continue reading

Bieber Diva

Justin Bieber arrived in the capital for his O2 Arena tour. He’ll never know how close he came to having a tour of the Tower of London dungeons, let alone the O2 Arena. Continue reading

Royal Flush

Mother has returned home after staying in hospital with a stomach bug. She’d been on the throne all weekend. Quite frankly that’s the last time she’ll eat a sodding lasagne.  Continue reading